Sirius' Last Letter
by Lady Amara
Summary: After OOtP. Harry is greiving over Sirius' death when he realizes that saying goodbye is the best thing he can do.


A/N: This is just a one-shot songfic I decided to do. The song is from the Phantom of the Opera, and I thought it applied so well to Harry loosing Sirius after the OOtP…..Don't own the song or the people…. Sorry….

A fifteen year old boy was laying on his bed in a small room, staring at the ceiling with bright green eyes. Except, his eyes weren't bright at the moment. They were glazed over in deep thought. His room was nearly empty, with an unpacked trunk on the floor, an owl cage with no owl, and three unopened letters on a desk. Five days into summer break, Harry Potter couldn't, and hadn't, done anything but think.

His mind drifted to his godfather, Sirius Black. Sirius had followed Harry into the Department of Mysteries after Harry and five of his friends had gone in, thinking that Sirius was being tortured by Voldemort. Sirius had died because of Harry's own stupid mistake. Tears filled the boy's eyes, even though he tried to fight them back.

Somewhere, downstairs, Aunt Petunia was listening to Opera music. Letting his mind drift from the painful thoughts of Sirius falling through the veil… his surprised look as he realized… his arms flailing in vain… Tears clouded Harry's vision. He shook his head and listened.

_You were once my one companion  
You were all that mattered  
You were once a friend and father  
Then my world was shattered_

Harry got up from his bed for the first time in a day. He walked over to the picture of his parents on his writing desk, next to the photo album open to the picture of his parents on their wedding day. Looking at Sirius' smiling face, Harry could imagine being with him again… the first time they met… the prospect of living at his house instead of the Dursley's… meeting him in a cave as he walked around with a chicken bone… nearly getting stabbed by a flying knife during the summer…

Harry turned. Thinking about the past won't bring him back. Nothing can bring him back. Frustrated with himself, frustrated with the world, angry, upset, and hurt, Harry kicked his bed with every bit of strength he had and let out a cry.

_Wishing you were somehow here again  
Wishing you were somehow near  
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed  
Somehow you would be here_

Harry turned from facing the bed to see Hedwig tapping on the window, wanting to be let in. He let the snowy white owl into the room, than immediately shut it and closed the shades. How could the world be so bright when someone had just died? Someone who least deserved it?

Outside somewhere, a dog barked. Harry immediately opened the shades and looked out, hoping to see Padfoot sitting just outside his window, looking up, grinning as only the dog could, as if to say 'I'm right here!'. No, it was just another dog down the road.

He could imagine Sirius' dog-like laugh, his low, calming voice, his smiling face, his ready-to-help personality….

_Wishing I could hear your voice again  
Knowing that I never would  
Dreaming of you won't help me to do  
All that you dreamed I could_

Sighing and fighting back tears, he looked at Hedwig. Sensing her master's unease, she flew over and landed on his leg, clicking softly. Harry smiled sadly and stroked the white plumage, thinking of the veil which had taken his godfather so quickly, thinking of the person who did it, thinking of how no one had cared about his death. Hedwig nipped his finger, trying to get his attention, but to no avail.

_Passing bells and sculpted angels  
Cold and monumental  
Seem for you the wrong companions  
You were warm and gentle_

Why did Sirius have to come into his life in the first place, when he was just going to die two years later? Nothing made sense anymore. His eyes clouded again with tears; the white form of Hedwig became cloudy and blurred. The years Harry had spent with Sirius had been the best, by far. Just having the small amount of time with him was wonderful.

_Too many years fighting back tears  
Why can't the past just die?_

Looking back, Harry realized that his beloved godfather wouldn't of wanted this. He'd want Harry to grieve, than get over his death. He would still bear the pain of loosing his only father figure and amazing friend, but Harry also had friends who were worried about him.

"Have I been that much of an idiot, Hedwig?" Harry asked his bird quietly. She looked back at him, head cocked to one side. Harry sighed, knowing what he must do. Getting up, he went to his desk and took out parchment and a quill. He wrote a goodbye to Sirius, apologized for things that had been tearing up at his insides for the past two weeks. Finishing the letter with 'I love you, never forget that. Your godson, Harry', he gave it to Hedwig, writing on the outside – 'Dumbledore, this is to Sirius. Whether you can put it through the veil, or burn it, or something, try to get it to him. Thanks. Harry.'

_Wishing you were somehow here again  
Knowing we must say goodbye  
Try to forgive, teach me to live  
Give me the strength to try_

This was it. His final words to Sirius. Harry bowed his head over the letter, letting tears fall. His shoulders shook with the weight of his sobs. Staying like that for awhile, Harry prepared himself for what was coming next. Sitting up, wiping tears from his eyes, sighing, and then closing his eyes, he called for Hedwig.

As soon as he felt the bird's weight on his arm, he opened his eyes resolutely. "Take this to Dumbledore. Make sure it gets to him." Throwing open the window, he watched as the bird took flight. Harry stared at the owl, holding his last letter to his godfather, until she was no more than a small dot in the sky.

_No more memories, no more silent tears  
No more gazing across the wasted years  
Help me say goodbye  
Help me say goodbye_

Harry watched the clouds as they lazily rolled past the house. Taking a deep breath, he stood up straighter and taller.

"Sirius, I'm not going to grieve you any more. I'm going to be who you wanted me to. I'm going to be, and stay, the boy-who-lived. I will be Harry Potter."

A man in blue robes walked quickly into a large, basin-like room, in which the center stood a stone dias with a black veil fluttering on top of it in a stone archway. Removing a note from his robes, the man slid the piece of parchment through the veil, and walked back the way he came.

Behind the said veil stood a man, desprately trying to figure out a way to leave, to get to his beloved godson. Behind him were his best friend and his friend's wife, helping him try to figure out a way to get out. Suddenly, the veil fluttered, and the three hopped back, expecting a body, but instead seeing a piece of parchment flutter to the ground. Picking it up, the first man looked at the front, and seeing it was addressed to him, began reading it.

By the time he was finished, tears were streaming down his cheeks. "I love you too, Harry." He whispered to the veil.

A/N: RR please!


End file.
